Today I feel compelled to give an update on my last blog, which talked about my dear personal coaching client whose severely unwanted behaviours have been eating away at her emotional and physical health for the last 4 years.
At first, I wondered why I was her very last port of call before she reached the point of seemingly no return. Had she really run out of friends and family who cared about her? She certainly seemed to have replaced her true, lifelong friends with a new bunch who not only shared her questionable values and destructive behaviours, but encouraged them. Her family were now struggling to stay alongside and support her and, because of her inability to hold down a job, she had no work colleagues to relate to.
Knowing her friends and family well, I know that they still cared. It was more a case of distancing themselves from her because they were fearful of the risk and embarrassment of being amongst her behaviour, and they had exhausted their supplies of the courage and knowledge to deal with it – even though they wanted to help and knew it was the right thing to do.
If someone you know and love was treading a similar path to self-destruction, would you have the faith in yourself to dig deep enough to do the right thing and support them? Short answer is, it’s hard. Super hard.
My client was living in a ‘coma’ of self-justification and blame mentality. In her world, she wasn’t interested in catching herself doing anything wrong. Everyone else was the problem. Her solution was to self-medicate with drink and substances, then sleep it off for days at a time. Then to repeat the prescription.
As this behaviour snowballed, her problem and her solution also snowballed – to the point where she lost connection with her friends and family and she gravitated towards a new group of like-minded blamers and substance abusers who reinforced their black-spot behaviours together.
This may seem an extreme instance of unwanted behaviours, but similarities crop up in all kinds of day to day life; what about the group of rumour-mongers and backstabbers you might encounter at work for example – the ‘actively disengaged’ as we call them? These people attract more of the same type, and their negative attitude and behaviour becomes more engrained, more defensive and closed, making it more difficult for their colleagues to do the right thing and deal with it.
So, how do you breakthrough and deal with it? Here’s some Stalkie strategies towards being the change you want to see and being a force for good:
I can only go so far to articulating 30 years of experience and case studies in a (longer than usual) blog, but I would encourage you with all my heart to come from a place of good and use this information whenever you witness a loved one, friend or colleague falling victim to unwanted behaviours. Being the change you want to see can become a welcome addiction.
I would love the opportunity to support you in becoming the architect and builder of the most fulfilled and happiest life you could wish for.
That’s why I have devised the Improve Your Life Now! programme which is full of tools such as those described in this blog. You can receive 14 days of FREE video coaching, a FREE workbook and goals chart, all geared towards creating the life you deserve. All details are on my website www.paulstalker.com
Love the day.
Paul ‘Stalkie’ Stalker
The Mindset Man.