Do you struggle sometimes when you compare yourself to others?
Perhaps you’ve had a tough week at work and you don’t think you’re wage packet reflects the effort and energy you’ve expended, let alone any thanks or recognition from your colleagues.
Perhaps you’re experiencing a bit of disharmony at home with your partner and your kids? Maybe you feel it’s always you that has to sort everything out? Perhaps you’ve just had a few too many late nights, been on the lash, eaten poorly and now you feel tired and lethargic?
And now you’ve been flicking through social media and it seems that so many other people are having a whale of a time socialising, partying, holidaying, spending….
So, what do you about it? Do a ‘Jamie Carragher’? www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-43378493/jamie-carragher-caught-on-camera-spitting-from-his-car
Do you moan, feel sorry for yourself, take it out on others, drown your sorrows, and retreat further into what Stephen Covey calls the ‘scarcity mindset’? (www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits-habit4.php)
People with a scarcity mentality find it difficult to share recognition and credit, power or profit and to be genuinely happy for the success of others. They focus on short term pleasure – What is the most fun option right now? What will burn the resources I have right now so that they can’t be taken away from me?
In the long term, it’s bound to lead to jealousy and upset – not attractive, not productive, not fulfilling.
On the other hand is the abundance mindset. Here’s how Covey describes it:
“The Abundance Mentality flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity”
Abundance focuses on the long term – if things aren’t happening for you right now, it doesn’t mean that they won’t happen at all. Missing out on a good time doesn’t mean you will never be able to have a good time again. Someone else getting reward, recognition, a pay rise, bagging the man/lady of their dreams doesn’t mean that it will never happen to you.
Try this: Click on the link below. This web page has a calculator which lets you know how rich you are globally, adjusting for the cost of living in your country and the size of your household. It also compares your income to the global median.
Do this simple test and the likelihood is that you will find yourself in the top 10-15% of the richest people in the world!
No matter the scale of your wealth, if you eat regularly, have a roof over your head, you’re safe and warm and have clothes to wear, then the problems you have are ‘first world’ and you can overcome them with the right attitude and behaviour.
Your biggest problem is likely to be most people’s dream.
Rather than focusing on the things you don’t have, focus on the things you do have. Talk with your family, friends and colleagues about the positive and successful things you’ve all done in the last week. Talk about the big goals they wish to achieve.
I was coaching the management team of a sizeable company last week and it was clear to me that they had much to be proud of, but they were hesitant to big themselves up and share their achievements. It’s quite a British thing to be modest isn’t it?! But the mood in the house was so refreshing and unifying when they allowed themselves a moment to explain and reflect upon their successes.
An abundance mentality creates positive feelings towards others. If you feel someone else’s joy or success is not taking anything away from your life now or in the future, it becomes far easier to feel happy for that person.
I have a massive stock of tips on how to adopt and live according to an abundance mentality in my new book ‘Raise Your Game Now! 2.0’ which will be published in a few weeks time (you can pre-order here: www.paulstalker.com/product/raise-game-now-2-0-book/)
But as a taster, here’s one cracking tip which has reaped dividends with everyone I’ve shared it with, whatever their status, gender, culture, age and shoe size. It works for individuals, families and it works for workplace teams too…. Write a ‘success and gratitude’ log. That’s it.
You can write one for home, one for work, or combine the two. Either way, treat it as you would a diary, writing a simple description of up to 10 things you have achieved during the day and what you have to be grateful for in your life.
Writing it at night time allows those thoughts to penetrate your subconscious during sleep and reinforces the warm feelings associated with success and gratitude. Your log is also there to celebrate and to help you stack up your self-esteem if you experience self-doubt.
You are where you are today because of you. Start to focus on what you have got, what you have achieved, what you are proud of and gain peace by being grateful, thankful and abundant.
Love The Day,